A recent loss I'm finding harder than expecte.

Last Friday my husband and I made the 8 1/2 hour drive back to my home town. We have made this journey often, but this time was different. I got the call on Wednesday night that my great-grandmother had taken her last breath at the age of 85. So early Friday morning we packed the car and drove down to be with family and say our goodbye.

This is my granny when she was young.

The service itself went well. My dad preached the service. It was a wonderful and beutiful time we came together as a family and put our differences to the side and mourned together. We remembered granny the way she would have wanted us to. As a family unit we gathered together and laughed and cried (mostly cried...) and remembered the beautiful woman granny used to be. After the service we went back to my parents house and ate as a family. There were somewhere around 30 of us (including children) who came for dinner. We sat and caught up with those we haven't seen in a long time, joked with each other, and told stories that touched each of us in a different way.

What we did not prepare for as a family is this time following the service. My granny was sick for quite some time. She was in the hospital for a while, but we had all thought in some way that she was getting better. Though I was mentally prepared that this might happen, I did not prepare myself for the empty spot she left behind. I loved granny so much. Every time I was back home I would go visit her at least once and I would try to see her on my way out of town. She was very fun to talk to and spend time with. Granny was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside before time and age took over. She passed one week ago last night, and I miss her. A part of me wishes I could have spent more time with her and I wish I would have called her more often. However, I cherish every bit of what I was given with her. I appreciate every birthday party and Christmas gathering we had that she was able to come with us. I remember her last birthday we all gathered at my cousins house and celebrated another year we had with her. These were the times we all gathered together to show her our love. I will miss these times we had to celebrate her life.

A catchup day...

Well happy (belated) Fourth! Yesterday was a good day for us. Our day started with breakfast out and a quick grocery shopping trip. I have developed a crazy love and obsession for Greek Yogurt. I never thought I liked Greek yogurt because the one brand I had tried had a weird texture and after-taste. But I have since discovered the kind I liked. After the shopping we spent the day at home. We sat around the house and watched TV together and I played the Sims. It was just a day together as a family!

Today on the other hand is a bit busy and stressful. I have a school project due tomorrow and I am waiting on stuff from my other group members to make my Prezi presentation for everyone to review. I am also working on getting the house together (cleaned AND organized). The hardest part is getting everything organized... I just want to tuck stuff away and be done with it.... But I have to find a place to put everything. With all of this on my plate for the day what do you think I am doing... I am sitting on the couch with the cat. Sometimes it is hard to get motivated to get started...

Today's crazyness...

So this morning I had a doctor's appointment. To fully explain this frustration I must begin at last Thursday... well actually lets start with three months ago.

Three months ago I was at work (as a substitute teacher) in a middle school classroom (which is not my favorite place to be). Well one of the kids decided the room smelt funky and he sprayed cologne (which is against the rules for a good reason) well as soon as I heard this happened and smelt it I asked that he not do it again because I am allergic (which was actually not fully confirmed... usually the kids cologne smells really bad and makes me cough a lot). Within 30  minutes I was in the midst of  a full on asthma attack which quickly escalated to a panic attack because I have not had asthma problems since I was like two! So I was unable to breathe and struggling to figure out why (except for the fact that I would never fudge my level of "allergy" again). I ended the day in the nurses office trying to convince them that I did not actually need an ambulance and I would make an appointment with my regular physician (which at the time I did not have). Then they brought the kid who sprayed the crap in their to watch me struggle to breath (which makes life way more difficult than it needs to be). Needless to say I went to the doctor a few weeks later and was told that I have asthma. I was given my emergency inhaler and an everyday inhaler.

So flash to last Thursday.

I went into the doctor's office to schedule an appointment to have my followup and get a renewal on my everyday inhaler. They told me that my normal doctor was on vacation and would not be back until Wednesday (which as you can tell is today) but I can make an appointment with the nurse practitioner on Saturday, I asked for an appointment on Wednesday and they said that they were not taking appointments for Wednesday. So I told them to go ahead and make the weekend appointment. I went in and waited forever. The nurse listened to my lungs and renewed my prescription. Then asked when I had my next appointment with my regular doctor. I told her I didn't have one yet but in March when I had my blood-work done I was told that in 6-8 months I needed to have it redone because my cholesterol was a bit high. She told me I needed to go ahead and make the appointment for the next available and get it all looked at again. So I did. I went to the front desk and they made an appointment for MY doctor on WEDNESDAY (which if you are following my ramblings is the day I originally asked for an appointment and they told me no!). So today I went into the doctors office and waited for an hour to get seen. When I got seen they asked what I was there for... I said I really don't know and I explained the Saturday appointment. Then I was told that I really didn't need to be there... but they would re-do my breathing test to see if there was any improvement (which there is not). So I wasted an hour-and-a-half today.

Other than that drama, I have been trying to get all of my schoolwork done before tomorrow so I can take a day off for the Fourth of July! I am also very excited because my husband will be spending the whole day at home. It has been very hard with him working a lot of overtime and we have not been able to see each other much. This will be a good quality time for us.

A change...

So I have recently read a book named Flabbergasted by Ray Blacksoton. Well technically I listened to it on one of my trips back home to Mississippi.

 A good book worth reading!!

It is the first book in a short series. 

This book was a very relatable Christian book about finding yourself in the world and at the same time finding Christianity. There is also a lot that can relate to "older" Christians. This book reminded me a lot of my current journey. This is why there was a change in the name. I have recently been trying to figure out what I wanted from this blog. I feel like I am constantly flabbergasted at life in general and I am constantly trying to figure out life and balancing my Christian walk with the outside world. This is what I have decided to use this blog for. I want to document my Christian life in the world. Hopefully I can help or encourage someone else with their life. I also am going to try to be more diligent about writing on my blog. I have a lot of stuff to share with the world and I want to help other people. :D It's a nice place to vent and share my frustrations and share how I overcome them at times. I would also like some help from others who may start following.

Getting ready for Spring/Summer

I had a great day sitting around the house today. I planted some seeds for our spring/summer garden! I'm very excited. I planted some herbs and a ton of veggies! I'll be putting pictures up as there is some progress on how my little garden is doing. I'm hoping to be able to grow enough veggies for our family for this summer and some for this winter. Now I'm winding down watching some TV before bed.

Last night was a great time at a benefit concert. There was a lot of good music (and some tasty cupcakes... mmmm... Pink lemonade!) I heard a new Christian band, The Refuge, and bought a new CD.

www.facebook.com/therefugemusic

It was a good night with friends and for a great cause!
This week is going to be AMAZING (and probably feel like one of the longest of my life)... I pick Dave up Thursday (YAY), then Friday is game night, and hopefully yoga on Saturday morning. I also finish a class Monday and start a new one on Tuesday. Oh and tomorrow is Pigpalooza at church (A special day at church where we will eat pork-YUM-and someone will kiss a pig...) I <3 pork! I am looking forward to this week (honestly, I'm mostly looking forward to Thursday! :D)

Root canal and cat puke..

This pretty much sums up my day. I had a dentist appointment at 1 discovered that instead of a crown I was getting a root canal. I left the dentist around 5:30... That's right, 4 and a half hours of dental work... and I was not in pain when I went, I am however (well, when my meds wear off) in pain now. I have to go back on Thursday (yes in two days) to get two teeth pulled... then a LOT more that I am wondering if I am really up to it.... Then I come in here to lay down after all of the dental crap and my cat pukes on my bed next to me... I  feel as if she is trying to sympathize with me, but it is really making everything crazy. I had some soup when I got home, it took me about an hour to eat a bowl of soup, and I'm thinking I might be hungry again, but I only have one can left and can't really drive (due to the meds that are keeping me from lashing out in pain)... Ugh how terrible. I might try running to the store in the morning when I first wake up... I am just about to fall asleep... I'm hoping tomorrow brings better things.

Night time rambling thoughts...

"Nice to a fault." I have heard this description of me many times before. Not always positive, but not always negatively either. I find myself thinking of this tonight as I lay here trying to get some sleep... Over the past few months I have found my feelings in a raw, and unusual state. I have always listened to what people have to throw at me, and hardly ever is it anything I wanted to hear. But certain circumstances going on in my personal life has made me a little more touchy than usual. I find myself wanting to scream and cry and throw the adult version of a tantrum. The latest incident has been about the dentist. Those who know me knows that I hate the dentist. I mean truly HATE it, venturing on fear. I have a temporary insurance policy that will cover most of my dental work though to be honest I do not wish to use it (but alas being an adult I have to). So spring break is this week and I will start the daunting task of fixing as many of my teeth as I can until the end of April. I keep getting reminded that I have to make this appointment thought I keep forgetting and getting busy (I am a full time  substitute teacher, a full time masters student and a bit forgetful!). But I feel at the age of 27 (well technically 26 for another month) I can be entrusted to make my appointments or suffer the consequences.... I am also at the breaking point with my pets! My two dogs have now (after almost 3 years in the house with cats) decided that they no longer wish to have cats in the house, and have taken to barking every time one walks by no matter the time. This leads to  rude 2am wake ups that last for 5 minutes and is only interrupted by my screaming through the door that they need to stop or suffer (not that I would actually do anything... but it does make me feel better). So for their safety and my sleep they have been allowed back in my bed, which I have quickly remembered why I had removed them in the first place! They are not easy animals to sleep with! They roll around and lick my blankets giving a weird cloth-dog-breath-smell to them! Sigh...
On a more positive note it is spring break for the school system I work at, and it couldn't come at a better time! Sure, I have to start dental work, but I am also thinking about seizing the opportunity to pick WoW back up...