I spent most of the day yesterday in the ER. I found out a few weeks ago that I was pregnant. Then yesterday I started cramping and bleeding.... After several hours in the ER we were told that I lost the baby. The hardest part has been the aftermath. I woke up last night and I felt the emptiness... This is a feeling I am struggling to deal with... It is the most painful feeling I have ever felt... I don't know what to do with myself. I wasn't that far along, for some reason my doctor never did an ultrasound (that was supposed to be next week) or did they give me an estimated due date or anything... I'm just left here with the emptiness and sadness.
When I got home yesterday after the whole ordeal, I was on instagram... not sure why, I guess I was trying to look and think of something else. But someone had posted a verse, I opened my Bible app to check it out and continued reading on. Then I found this (a couple of verses later): "Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!" Psalm 107:13-15. I keep trying to remember through my pain that He is in control... and I can bring my pain and sorrow to Him. I can call out and he hears. I pray that God helps as we heal and start this process over....
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
A renewal of sorts....
Once again I am going to try to pick up this blog. I am going to TRY to be better... but to be honest my life is in barely controlled chaos! I am in the middle of my student teaching (literally, my midterm was today). I feel like I'm doing well one day then the next I feel like I should just look for a new career now...) I am trying to make it until the end of next week (Spring break starts on the 31st and I cannot wait!) I will slowly be working on picking this back up. Not much to talk about in the past forever since i wrote last, just life keeping on going.
I have an hour long drive to my student teaching every day (and as the laws of nature set out, and hour long drive home.) It has given me a lot to think about, mostly what I could be doing if I wasn't in a car for 2+ hours a day, but also about my life. I have decided to pick my blog back up (and hopefully add more friends/family to my small number of followers).
I feel a bit scattered tonight... focusing is not my strongest thing this late. I am looking for another audio book to listen to on my commute. I just finished The Hunger Games which was really good. I have the second one, but I really want another book in between them. Any suggestions?
One more thing before I go for the night. Over Thanksgiving my sisters and I took pictures with our families (husbands, kid, and each other). Here is one of my favorites of my husband and me.
I think it turned out really good. We had a lot of fun with family and taking pictures. Hoping this time I will be better with updating this! I also need another book idea...
I have an hour long drive to my student teaching every day (and as the laws of nature set out, and hour long drive home.) It has given me a lot to think about, mostly what I could be doing if I wasn't in a car for 2+ hours a day, but also about my life. I have decided to pick my blog back up (and hopefully add more friends/family to my small number of followers).
I feel a bit scattered tonight... focusing is not my strongest thing this late. I am looking for another audio book to listen to on my commute. I just finished The Hunger Games which was really good. I have the second one, but I really want another book in between them. Any suggestions?
One more thing before I go for the night. Over Thanksgiving my sisters and I took pictures with our families (husbands, kid, and each other). Here is one of my favorites of my husband and me.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
A recent loss I'm finding harder than expecte.
Last Friday my husband and I made the 8 1/2 hour drive back to my home town. We have made this journey often, but this time was different. I got the call on Wednesday night that my great-grandmother had taken her last breath at the age of 85. So early Friday morning we packed the car and drove down to be with family and say our goodbye.
The service itself went well. My dad preached the service. It was a wonderful and beutiful time we came together as a family and put our differences to the side and mourned together. We remembered granny the way she would have wanted us to. As a family unit we gathered together and laughed and cried (mostly cried...) and remembered the beautiful woman granny used to be. After the service we went back to my parents house and ate as a family. There were somewhere around 30 of us (including children) who came for dinner. We sat and caught up with those we haven't seen in a long time, joked with each other, and told stories that touched each of us in a different way.
What we did not prepare for as a family is this time following the service. My granny was sick for quite some time. She was in the hospital for a while, but we had all thought in some way that she was getting better. Though I was mentally prepared that this might happen, I did not prepare myself for the empty spot she left behind. I loved granny so much. Every time I was back home I would go visit her at least once and I would try to see her on my way out of town. She was very fun to talk to and spend time with. Granny was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside before time and age took over. She passed one week ago last night, and I miss her. A part of me wishes I could have spent more time with her and I wish I would have called her more often. However, I cherish every bit of what I was given with her. I appreciate every birthday party and Christmas gathering we had that she was able to come with us. I remember her last birthday we all gathered at my cousins house and celebrated another year we had with her. These were the times we all gathered together to show her our love. I will miss these times we had to celebrate her life.
This is my granny when she was young.
The service itself went well. My dad preached the service. It was a wonderful and beutiful time we came together as a family and put our differences to the side and mourned together. We remembered granny the way she would have wanted us to. As a family unit we gathered together and laughed and cried (mostly cried...) and remembered the beautiful woman granny used to be. After the service we went back to my parents house and ate as a family. There were somewhere around 30 of us (including children) who came for dinner. We sat and caught up with those we haven't seen in a long time, joked with each other, and told stories that touched each of us in a different way.
What we did not prepare for as a family is this time following the service. My granny was sick for quite some time. She was in the hospital for a while, but we had all thought in some way that she was getting better. Though I was mentally prepared that this might happen, I did not prepare myself for the empty spot she left behind. I loved granny so much. Every time I was back home I would go visit her at least once and I would try to see her on my way out of town. She was very fun to talk to and spend time with. Granny was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside before time and age took over. She passed one week ago last night, and I miss her. A part of me wishes I could have spent more time with her and I wish I would have called her more often. However, I cherish every bit of what I was given with her. I appreciate every birthday party and Christmas gathering we had that she was able to come with us. I remember her last birthday we all gathered at my cousins house and celebrated another year we had with her. These were the times we all gathered together to show her our love. I will miss these times we had to celebrate her life.
Friday, July 5, 2013
A catchup day...
Well happy (belated) Fourth! Yesterday was a good day for us. Our day started with breakfast out and a quick grocery shopping trip. I have developed a crazy love and obsession for Greek Yogurt. I never thought I liked Greek yogurt because the one brand I had tried had a weird texture and after-taste. But I have since discovered the kind I liked. After the shopping we spent the day at home. We sat around the house and watched TV together and I played the Sims. It was just a day together as a family!
Today on the other hand is a bit busy and stressful. I have a school project due tomorrow and I am waiting on stuff from my other group members to make my Prezi presentation for everyone to review. I am also working on getting the house together (cleaned AND organized). The hardest part is getting everything organized... I just want to tuck stuff away and be done with it.... But I have to find a place to put everything. With all of this on my plate for the day what do you think I am doing... I am sitting on the couch with the cat. Sometimes it is hard to get motivated to get started...
Today on the other hand is a bit busy and stressful. I have a school project due tomorrow and I am waiting on stuff from my other group members to make my Prezi presentation for everyone to review. I am also working on getting the house together (cleaned AND organized). The hardest part is getting everything organized... I just want to tuck stuff away and be done with it.... But I have to find a place to put everything. With all of this on my plate for the day what do you think I am doing... I am sitting on the couch with the cat. Sometimes it is hard to get motivated to get started...
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Today's crazyness...
So this morning I had a doctor's appointment. To fully explain this frustration I must begin at last Thursday... well actually lets start with three months ago.
Three months ago I was at work (as a substitute teacher) in a middle school classroom (which is not my favorite place to be). Well one of the kids decided the room smelt funky and he sprayed cologne (which is against the rules for a good reason) well as soon as I heard this happened and smelt it I asked that he not do it again because I am allergic (which was actually not fully confirmed... usually the kids cologne smells really bad and makes me cough a lot). Within 30 minutes I was in the midst of a full on asthma attack which quickly escalated to a panic attack because I have not had asthma problems since I was like two! So I was unable to breathe and struggling to figure out why (except for the fact that I would never fudge my level of "allergy" again). I ended the day in the nurses office trying to convince them that I did not actually need an ambulance and I would make an appointment with my regular physician (which at the time I did not have). Then they brought the kid who sprayed the crap in their to watch me struggle to breath (which makes life way more difficult than it needs to be). Needless to say I went to the doctor a few weeks later and was told that I have asthma. I was given my emergency inhaler and an everyday inhaler.
So flash to last Thursday.
I went into the doctor's office to schedule an appointment to have my followup and get a renewal on my everyday inhaler. They told me that my normal doctor was on vacation and would not be back until Wednesday (which as you can tell is today) but I can make an appointment with the nurse practitioner on Saturday, I asked for an appointment on Wednesday and they said that they were not taking appointments for Wednesday. So I told them to go ahead and make the weekend appointment. I went in and waited forever. The nurse listened to my lungs and renewed my prescription. Then asked when I had my next appointment with my regular doctor. I told her I didn't have one yet but in March when I had my blood-work done I was told that in 6-8 months I needed to have it redone because my cholesterol was a bit high. She told me I needed to go ahead and make the appointment for the next available and get it all looked at again. So I did. I went to the front desk and they made an appointment for MY doctor on WEDNESDAY (which if you are following my ramblings is the day I originally asked for an appointment and they told me no!). So today I went into the doctors office and waited for an hour to get seen. When I got seen they asked what I was there for... I said I really don't know and I explained the Saturday appointment. Then I was told that I really didn't need to be there... but they would re-do my breathing test to see if there was any improvement (which there is not). So I wasted an hour-and-a-half today.
Other than that drama, I have been trying to get all of my schoolwork done before tomorrow so I can take a day off for the Fourth of July! I am also very excited because my husband will be spending the whole day at home. It has been very hard with him working a lot of overtime and we have not been able to see each other much. This will be a good quality time for us.
Three months ago I was at work (as a substitute teacher) in a middle school classroom (which is not my favorite place to be). Well one of the kids decided the room smelt funky and he sprayed cologne (which is against the rules for a good reason) well as soon as I heard this happened and smelt it I asked that he not do it again because I am allergic (which was actually not fully confirmed... usually the kids cologne smells really bad and makes me cough a lot). Within 30 minutes I was in the midst of a full on asthma attack which quickly escalated to a panic attack because I have not had asthma problems since I was like two! So I was unable to breathe and struggling to figure out why (except for the fact that I would never fudge my level of "allergy" again). I ended the day in the nurses office trying to convince them that I did not actually need an ambulance and I would make an appointment with my regular physician (which at the time I did not have). Then they brought the kid who sprayed the crap in their to watch me struggle to breath (which makes life way more difficult than it needs to be). Needless to say I went to the doctor a few weeks later and was told that I have asthma. I was given my emergency inhaler and an everyday inhaler.
So flash to last Thursday.
I went into the doctor's office to schedule an appointment to have my followup and get a renewal on my everyday inhaler. They told me that my normal doctor was on vacation and would not be back until Wednesday (which as you can tell is today) but I can make an appointment with the nurse practitioner on Saturday, I asked for an appointment on Wednesday and they said that they were not taking appointments for Wednesday. So I told them to go ahead and make the weekend appointment. I went in and waited forever. The nurse listened to my lungs and renewed my prescription. Then asked when I had my next appointment with my regular doctor. I told her I didn't have one yet but in March when I had my blood-work done I was told that in 6-8 months I needed to have it redone because my cholesterol was a bit high. She told me I needed to go ahead and make the appointment for the next available and get it all looked at again. So I did. I went to the front desk and they made an appointment for MY doctor on WEDNESDAY (which if you are following my ramblings is the day I originally asked for an appointment and they told me no!). So today I went into the doctors office and waited for an hour to get seen. When I got seen they asked what I was there for... I said I really don't know and I explained the Saturday appointment. Then I was told that I really didn't need to be there... but they would re-do my breathing test to see if there was any improvement (which there is not). So I wasted an hour-and-a-half today.
Other than that drama, I have been trying to get all of my schoolwork done before tomorrow so I can take a day off for the Fourth of July! I am also very excited because my husband will be spending the whole day at home. It has been very hard with him working a lot of overtime and we have not been able to see each other much. This will be a good quality time for us.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
A change...
So I have recently read a book named Flabbergasted by Ray Blacksoton. Well technically I listened to it on one of my trips back home to Mississippi.
This book was a very relatable Christian book about finding yourself in the world and at the same time finding Christianity. There is also a lot that can relate to "older" Christians. This book reminded me a lot of my current journey. This is why there was a change in the name. I have recently been trying to figure out what I wanted from this blog. I feel like I am constantly flabbergasted at life in general and I am constantly trying to figure out life and balancing my Christian walk with the outside world. This is what I have decided to use this blog for. I want to document my Christian life in the world. Hopefully I can help or encourage someone else with their life. I also am going to try to be more diligent about writing on my blog. I have a lot of stuff to share with the world and I want to help other people. :D It's a nice place to vent and share my frustrations and share how I overcome them at times. I would also like some help from others who may start following.
A good book worth reading!!
It is the first book in a short series.
This book was a very relatable Christian book about finding yourself in the world and at the same time finding Christianity. There is also a lot that can relate to "older" Christians. This book reminded me a lot of my current journey. This is why there was a change in the name. I have recently been trying to figure out what I wanted from this blog. I feel like I am constantly flabbergasted at life in general and I am constantly trying to figure out life and balancing my Christian walk with the outside world. This is what I have decided to use this blog for. I want to document my Christian life in the world. Hopefully I can help or encourage someone else with their life. I also am going to try to be more diligent about writing on my blog. I have a lot of stuff to share with the world and I want to help other people. :D It's a nice place to vent and share my frustrations and share how I overcome them at times. I would also like some help from others who may start following.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Getting ready for Spring/Summer
I had a great day sitting around the house today. I planted some seeds for our spring/summer garden! I'm very excited. I planted some herbs and a ton of veggies! I'll be putting pictures up as there is some progress on how my little garden is doing. I'm hoping to be able to grow enough veggies for our family for this summer and some for this winter. Now I'm winding down watching some TV before bed.
Last night was a great time at a benefit concert. There was a lot of good music (and some tasty cupcakes... mmmm... Pink lemonade!) I heard a new Christian band, The Refuge, and bought a new CD.
It was a good night with friends and for a great cause!
This week is going to be AMAZING (and probably feel like one of the longest of my life)... I pick Dave up Thursday (YAY), then Friday is game night, and hopefully yoga on Saturday morning. I also finish a class Monday and start a new one on Tuesday. Oh and tomorrow is Pigpalooza at church (A special day at church where we will eat pork-YUM-and someone will kiss a pig...) I <3 pork! I am looking forward to this week (honestly, I'm mostly looking forward to Thursday! :D)
Last night was a great time at a benefit concert. There was a lot of good music (and some tasty cupcakes... mmmm... Pink lemonade!) I heard a new Christian band, The Refuge, and bought a new CD.
www.facebook.com/therefugemusic
This week is going to be AMAZING (and probably feel like one of the longest of my life)... I pick Dave up Thursday (YAY), then Friday is game night, and hopefully yoga on Saturday morning. I also finish a class Monday and start a new one on Tuesday. Oh and tomorrow is Pigpalooza at church (A special day at church where we will eat pork-YUM-and someone will kiss a pig...) I <3 pork! I am looking forward to this week (honestly, I'm mostly looking forward to Thursday! :D)
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