A sadness I live with...

I spent most of the day yesterday in the ER. I found out a few weeks ago that I was pregnant. Then yesterday I started cramping and bleeding.... After several hours in the ER we were told that I lost the baby. The hardest part has been the aftermath. I woke up last night and I felt the emptiness... This is a feeling I am struggling to deal with... It is the most painful feeling I have ever felt... I don't know what to do with myself. I wasn't that far along, for some reason my doctor never did an ultrasound (that was supposed to be next week) or did they give me an estimated due date or anything... I'm just left here with the emptiness and sadness.

When I got home yesterday after the whole ordeal, I was on instagram... not sure why, I guess I was trying to look and think of something else.  But someone had posted a verse, I opened my Bible app to check it out and continued reading on. Then I found this (a couple of verses later): "Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!" Psalm 107:13-15. I keep trying to remember through my pain that He is in control... and I can bring my pain and sorrow to Him. I can call out and he hears. I pray that God helps as we heal and start this process over....

A renewal of sorts....

Once again I am going to try to pick up this blog. I am going to TRY to be better... but to be honest my life is in barely controlled chaos! I am in the middle of my student teaching (literally, my midterm was today). I feel like I'm doing well one day then the next I feel like I should just look for a new career now...) I am trying to make it until the end of next week (Spring break starts on the 31st and I cannot wait!) I will slowly be working on picking this back up. Not much to talk about in the past forever since i wrote last, just life keeping on going.

I have an hour long drive to my student teaching every day (and as the laws of nature set out, and hour long drive home.) It has given me a lot to think about, mostly what I could be doing if I wasn't in a car for 2+ hours a day, but also about my life. I have decided to pick my blog back up (and hopefully add more friends/family to my small number of followers).

I feel a bit scattered tonight... focusing is not my strongest thing this late.  I am looking for another audio book to listen to on my commute. I just finished The Hunger Games which was really good. I have the second one, but I really want another book in between them. Any suggestions?

One more thing before I go for the night. Over Thanksgiving my sisters and I took pictures with our families (husbands, kid, and each other). Here is one of my favorites of my husband and me.

I think it turned out really good. We had a lot of fun with family and taking pictures. Hoping this time I will be better with updating this! I also need another book idea...